Don’t forget to send yourself a Valentine’s card!

Of all the people to send love to on Valentine’s Day, the most important person is arguably yourself!

If you constantly say to yourself, I’m not important, it doesn’t matter about me, and I always put myself behind everyone else there is a good chance you don’t love yourself enough.

Does this matter? Yes, absolutely. The first rule in life saving is making sure you are safe, and you do not put yourself in danger. The same applies to love. If you don’t love yourself, all of your efforts to put other people first are less successful. If you don’t love yourself, it is very difficult to accept love in return so sending yourself a mental card is not as vain or self-centred as it appears!

It doesn’t stop there. I see people with a range of problems including an inability to sleep, anger, lack of motivation, addiction, relationship difficulties or depression which sometimes also produces physical symptoms such as chronic pain, headaches, psoriasis etc. These surface level symptoms are generally related to underlying stress and anxiety but often hidden beneath this, at a deeper level, is that lack of self-love.

Often during a consultation, my client will uncover a belief that they cannot love themselves because of something that happened many years ago. Their lack of self-love has travelled with them at a subconscious level ever since and it affects their response to almost every situation. I help people see that formative belief differently so that they can begin to love themselves again. They no longer need to feel stressed, anxious, angry, carry pain etc. They can enjoy love from others and truly love without limitations.

This unravelling is difficult to do by yourself, but you can do so if you are persistent and take your time. Whenever you catch yourself ruminating about something negative just pause. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Make a mental note “I am doing that thing again”. Don’t consciously try to change. The pause will gradually break the habit of what happens after you “do that thing”. Once you have noticed “that thing” for a few days see if there are any feelings or emotions around “that thing”. There may be several “things”. See if there are emotions that are common. Follow the feeling to see if they lead you anywhere. It may take time so don’t worry if they don’t bring insights immediately, just the pause is often enough to break the cycle.

The pause technique is also very helpful to reinforce positive habits. When you notice you are doing something good, pause and thank yourself for doing it. In fact, whenever you pause (even after doing “that thing”) gradually thank yourself for pausing. You are starting to re-hypnotise yourself that you are worthy of love. Over time you will dispel the negative self -image and replace it with one in which you love yourself for who you are.

These are the Valentine’s wishes you should be sending yourself!